


When the waves crash

by OsamuSa



Series: Hansol Vernon Chwe hurt/comfort [12]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Chwe Hansol | Vernon-centric, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hip Hop unit, Hugs, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Vernon has OCD, worried hyungs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 20:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30145326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsamuSa/pseuds/OsamuSa
Summary: Vernon has a panic attack while recording and the members are there to take care of him.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Chwe Hansol | Vernon & Everyone, Chwe Hansol | Vernon & Jeon Wonwoo, Chwe Hansol | Vernon & Kim Mingyu, Chwe Hansol | Vernon & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Everyone
Series: Hansol Vernon Chwe hurt/comfort [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915885
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	When the waves crash

**Author's Note:**

> TW  
> Panic Attack, Self-hate, OCD
> 
> [ I've explained about OCD in notes. Do read it :) ]  
> ~~~  
> I wrote this in one sitting as soon as the idea came to my mind!  
> Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Please pay heed that I personally do not know how OCD or Panic Attacks feel like and if I didn't justify that then I'm really sorry.

Vernon didn't usually face problems when he takes regular meds but despite taking meds that day he didn't feel good. His mind was raging. It was as if waves of thoughts were crashing onto the shore of his mind and he could do nothing to make them stop.

The hip-hop unit was in the studio recording. He couldn't help but tap his fingers on the cushion repeatedly as the oldest rapped in the booth.

Vernon rarely got nervous when recording. It was usually the vocal unit that was the most nervous. Hence, why he didn't know why he was feeling this way. He woke up well and his day wasn't bad either.

Sometimes he didn't know why he was the one to suffer. He didn't like how he couldn't control his thoughts or actions at such times, it was as if his mind wasn't his own and rather something controlling him. He didn't like how it made him feel less and a burden even though the members never blamed him and supported and encouraged him to do better. He knew that sometimes he was annoying and they would rather not deal with his "irrational" mind but despite that, they never left his side. Never took their anger out on him. Never left him on his own. He always felt bad for his brothers, they deserved someone more composed and someone who was well. They didn't deserve to be stuck with a boy who was mentally ill.

He doesn't clearly remember when it first started but the symptoms were there and he never realized that those symptoms would lead to a shocking revelation. When the doctor put him under the list of Checkers, he looked back at so many of the events that showed clear symptoms of it. His members took care of him and loved him all the same, if not more. He didn't know how long he could live this way, constant thoughts, constant compulsions, constant actions that he didn't want to do but was unable to stop himself from doing.

He broke out of his thoughts when a tanned palm came to rest on his trembling hands.

"It's fine Sol," the soft murmur definitely helped him relax a bit and stop his leg from shaking.

Another palm came up to rub his back, ordering softly, "Take a deep breath for me." He slowly breathed in and out, trying to settle his restless heart. He looked at Mingyu with a grateful look in his eyes.

The older smiled back at him, "You're doing good kay?" He softly told, palms still rubbing his back as another held on to his hand tightly.

He nodded back slowly, trying to not let the thoughts fog his mind.

"You're up Sollie!" Woozi yelled from the front, making him flinch in surprise. He slowly got up, relaxing at the encouraging looks from the four boys.

He stood in front of the microphone, his hands tightly holding at the handle.

"Alright Sol, start at the beat."

He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. But as soon as the music started he couldn't help the dread that washed over him. He had to sing. Vernon was never confident in his singing, he hated how he was the only one in the group who couldn't sing properly. He felt like a joke that an idol group member couldn't sing. And stuck in this dreaded feeling he didn't notice how he missed the beat.

The four were a bit worried as they gave each other concerned looks.

He only crashed back to reality when Woozi's voice reached him through the speaker.

"Sol?" He looked up wide-eyed at the realization of what had happened.

"Hy...Hyung" He stammered, "I'm sorry, I will start again!" He spoke quickly.

"Sollie, you okay?" Woozi asked again and when Vernon nodded, his head quickly moving up and down, he couldn't help but frown. But he didn't want to stop Vernon and make him feel as if he failed so he started the music again but Vernon started early, leading to a retake.

It kept happening, either he was early or late, his voice breaking or his words too fast. The four boys were on the edge of their seats. They knew that something was definitely wrong with him and when Woozi spoke again they were surprised at the sudden sob sounding through the room.

Seungcheol quickly got up, throwing the door open and rushing to the boy who was shaking too much.

**~~~**

  
Vernon couldn't help the wave thoughts that drowned him. He was distressed because he couldn't record well. He knew he was a bad singer, he knew he didn't deserve to be here, he knew he lacked talent, he was useless. He couldn't feel his limbs as his heartbeat rapidly, his sight going in circles. He felt like he was dying, he couldn't help but sob at the fear that clawed through his heart, they were going to kick him out of the group. No, no, no, no, no.

When Seungcheol reached Vernon, he realized that he was too late as the younger was shaking and his eyes were wide with unshed tears and extreme fear.

Seungcheol couldn't help but panic at the sight of his brother suffering as he stood there doing nothing. Vernon rarely had panic attacks but this one seemed way worse than any attack before. But when the other three joined him, he calmed himself down and tried to touch the younger but Vernon flinched in response, he knew he had to try another method.

"Sollie baby," He spoke calmly trying to make his words loud enough to be heard but soft enough to bring warmth.

"Baby look at me, I'm here for you" He offered his hand but the younger started sobbing loudly as his breathing became labored. The younger wasn't breathing and that was when Seungcheol quickly pulled the other in a hug. Vernon tried to break free, repeatedly mumbling apologies which the others didn't know what for but they could ask that later.

"Breathe with me, Sollie!" He pulled the younger closer not disturbed by the flailing hands of the other. He placed Vernon's hand on his chest, keeping it firmly in place.

"Hear that baby, just follow along okay."

"Deep breaths Sol," He said as he kept his mouth near his ear, only when Vernon calmed down significantly he asked for more, "In and out, In and out." He whispered for a long time, trying to bring the breathing to normal.

It took almost 20 minutes as the two were seated on the ground, Vernon mostly in Cheol's lap as the other 3 stood in the doorway not wanting to crowd around him.

They moved towards the duo only when Vernon calmed down and fell limp against the older.

Woozi immediately placed his palm on Vernon's cheek and when the younger looked at him with tears in his eyes he gave a small smile to the younger and ruffled his hair.

"Come on let's get you to the sofa kay?" Seungcheol murmured softly, standing up with Vernon and carrying the younger bridal style. Vernon nestling his face on the older's neck, breathing in deeply at the woody perfume that always helped ground him back.

The four of them sat with the younger without talking to him, giving him time to collect himself as they cuddled closer to him, making him feel loved as the warmth spread in his body.

After an hour, he finally sat up from the older's lap and settled himself between his legs, "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"For what aegi?" Wonwoo asked softly, running his fingers through the younger's hair as he slouched in pleasure.

"I'm bad at singing and I let you all down today. I know you all were tired yet I had to have an attack and I couldn't even complete my recording and I'm so useless-

Seungcheol stopped the younger's rambling by pressing a firm Kiss to his nape.

"You are not useless Sollie!" He whispered, voice firm and sure.

"And you are a great singer! Your singing always feels so good and carats have repeatedly praised you for your amazing voice!" Mingyu chimed in making all of them nod in acceptance.

"But today I-

"What happened today was not your fault," Woozi spoke giving the younger a small comforting smile.

"We are never tired to take care of you," Seungcheol spoke up as he held his hands.

"Yeah, please please never hide from us how your feeling Sol," Wonwoo mumbled, brushing his thumb under Vernon's eyes to stop the tears.

"You like me?" He whispered quietly, his fears increasing as he became nervous.

"We love you, baby," Seungcheol spoke from behind, his chest rumbling at the deep voice which bought warmth in Vernon. He couldn't help but give them all a watery smile.

"I don't know what went wrong.." he admitted as he looked down to play with Cheol's fingers.

"You took the meds earlier?" Mingyu asked softly and sighed in confusion as the younger nodded.

"We will go to the doctor tomorrow if you would like." Woozi thought out loud, he noticed how the younger was in his head a lot nowadays.

This morning he even had to go back twice to check if he closed the door and he stood still in the lift thinking if he shut it or not. That is why they never allow Vernon to exit any place last so that they could avoid such situations. The younger was stumbling a lot nowadays, his actions becoming more constant and not only Woozi but all of them noticed but they didn't approach the younger with it.

"I guess I just started to think a lot after what happened with Dino..." He whispered because he was scared that the hyungs will get mad at him for blaming Dino and he flinched and whimpered when all three of their eyes hardened and he knew the oldest was mad as well when the hands around him tightened.

"I'm sorry-

But the others were quick to recognize what their actions did and they immediately apologized.

"Oh no no no Sollie, we aren't mad at you!" Mingyu spoke quickly.

"Yeah baby, it was wrong of Chan to say that and we were mad at him for that." Woozi quickly explained.

It happened a month back when Vernon exited their dorm last and he went up twice from midway and once again when they reached the car to go and check if the stove switch was turned off and if the door was shut or not. And Chan was already late to a scheduled choreo training and in his temper screamed at Vernon, "Why can't you just stop being so damn irrational!" The younger had soon realized his words as all of them stood there shocked at the words and he soon apologized to Vernon whose eyes were filled with tears and he flinched when Chan tried to touch him. Jeonghan pulled Vernon to travel with the 95 line that day. And Chan apologized every day for that and a week later Vernon approached the younger asking for a hug as Chan broke down in sobs in the arms of his brother.

"But Sollie you know he didn't mean that right, he apologized right baby," Wonwoo spoke because as much as they were mad at Chan they knew that the maknae didn't actually mean it, "he loves you a lot, and that day he was just too tensed and though that doesn't make his actions acceptable but he loves you and he made a mistake."

Vernon knew that hence why he went for that hug but the words were hard to erase. He knew how his members loved him so much otherwise they wouldn't have stuck along with him. And he really appreciated them for that.

"I know Hyung, but since then I felt bad for you guys." He let out and the boys wanted to let him speak so they didn't interfere even though they wanted to oppose the words, "I felt like a burden and it was as if I was pulling all of you down. You all deserve someone better, someone, not like this." He rubbed his arms harshly but stopped when Cheol tugged on them and held them firmly.

"I'm like a constant ticking time bomb and who would like to live with a bomb Hyung," he finally let out the breath as he emptied his thoughts in front of his hyungs. He tried to avoid doing that a lot, he didn't like to tell his hyungs more as he already felt like a burden but at this time as he slowly opened between the comfort of their arms, he was finally able to release the breath of relief. He felt free as he spoke out as if a boulder was lifted off his chest.

"Sollie, first of all, why would you think you are a liability to us?" Woozi asked shortly.

"If anything baby, we appreciate you a lot, Have you seen your rap skills? Hell, you are the next big producer and we love you for you and will never ever leave you alone." The look in Woozi's eyes was so intense and he couldn't hold his stare so he looked away, the waves of his thoughts slowly going down.

"We want you Vernon if only, you deserve a lot better. We just got lucky that God gave us a diamond, like you." Seungcheol spoke, nuzzling his nose on Vernon's nape. He was very touched by the leader, being called a Godsend gift really bought him to tears.

"And you should be glad that Hannie Hyung and Kwannie isn't here," Wonwoo joked lightly, "Otherwise they would never leave your side if you called yourself a burden."

Vernon smiled at them and that smile was enough to bloom the hyungs hearts as they looked at their brother fondly.

"Always come to us when you feel like this kay?" Woozi told as he bought Vernon's palm to his lips and gave it a peck.

"Yeah...Thank you hyungs," Vernon whispered as he closed his eyes as the ocean of his thoughts calmed down and the shore of his mind felt peaceful. He sighed in happiness, the warmth and calmness was always a welcome comeback to his life.

"No problem aegi!" Mingyu stood up, offering his hands to Wonwoo and Woozi, " Let's go back home yeah? We could all cuddle in the living room." Mingyu smiled and the word cuddle immediately bought a smile on his face.

"Let's go, my precious baby." Seungcheol pressed his words as a kiss to his skin and the warmth that flowed through his neck gave him relief.

Mingyu offered to piggyback him and even though Vernon rejected him since all of them were tired, the older was having none of it.

And so they went back home. All four of them keeping close to the younger as their hearts bloomed in joy at the sound of laughter the younger released to a joke told by Mingyu.

**Author's Note:**

> OCD [Obsessive Compulsion Disorder]  
> It is a mental illness that causes repeated unwanted thoughts or sensations (obsessions) or the urge to do something over and over again (compulsions).
> 
> And I've also found that many OCD sufferers also experience panic attacks.  
> And it's not like OCD just appears and that's why above he says that when he was listed under the checkers he realized that he used to have all those symptoms.
> 
> Vernon falls under the category of Checkers in this fic:  
> The need to Check is compulsion and obsession is the reason for checking such as is the door locked, will the fire start here coz the stove was not off, etc.  
> Hence why he repeatedly checked for the door handles or stove switch. 
> 
> I've been recently reading more about mental disorders since I talk a lot about them in fics and today I was reading about OCD and this idea crashed into my mind.
> 
> Again, If anyone out there has OCD, I hope life treats you best and hope you go through life as well as you can! Take care! Seek professional help and never treat anyone as less or inferior just because they have any type of disorder.
> 
> Love ya All!!  
> See ya!  
> Byee❤


End file.
